To the girls waiting for marriage
I’m only three posts into this business of blogging, but already the unknown overwhelms me. How do I get this blog out there? What do my readers actually need?
What do you do when the unknown stretches like a grey cloud over your head? When you feel forced to wait it out, and yet not even a prick of blue peeks through the sky?
In many ways, this form of unknown can be likened to waiting for marriage. Like many other women, marriage is a dream of mine… finding the man I will one day walk up the aisle to, knowing, yes, he was worth the wait. Yet, as with other dreams, like my blog, there are things about this waiting I can’t control.
I can’t control who reads my blog or when this lucky guy will appear in my life. I can’t control how long it takes to be self-employed or which date I will get married or if I will get married.
But, if I’ve learned anything with dreams—especially about the dream of marriage—it’s that in spite of all the uncontrollables, there are a few things you can do. Steps in the waiting that not only help the waiting, but even push it along.
1. Collect the evidence
One of my favorite podcast episodes of all time is “Crazy Faith to Believe that God Can Do It” with Mia Fieldes on Heart of Dating. If you look her up, you’ll see within seconds that she is known for her journey to marriage story.
She learned that there is more to the waiting season than waiting on the Lord. That you can actually partner with God along the journey, get a promise for your future, and collect evidence of its coming.
We know Jesus said the Father delights in giving us good gifts. In fact, a large portion of Scripture is God bestowing and accomplishing promises: Abraham, the father of nations; David, a king; Jesus, our savior.
When there is a desire on your heart, it’s worth bringing that desire before God and asking Him what He wants to do with it. And then look for the evidence that He has a plan. Who better than God to matchmake? Who better than God to bring any dream—a house, a ministry, a business, children—into reality on this earth?
You might begin by collecting your own evidence—a journal of letters for your someday spouse or a gift you buy in faith. Mia talks about how she bought a cologne for her future husband and even a ring, which ended up becoming his wedding band years later.
Look also for evidence directly from God about what He’s doing. Maybe you ask Him a question and you drive by a billboard sign that answers it, hours later, as if He read your mail. Maybe a stranger comes up to you with an encouragement that is exactly what you need. Maybe you get asked out on several dates all at once, and you know that even if they’re not the right one, that’s God’s way of showing you He’s in your marriage story.
One time as I was pondering my own marriage story on the beach, a rose washed up from the waves beside my toes. The more I’ve collected the evidence, the more I’ve come to believe that God not only gives personal promises but gives tangible hope for our heart.
And as Mia Fieldes testified, keeping your hope alive is one of the best ways you can walk toward a promise.
2. Do the last clearest thing you heard
Some days the unknown is hard on my heart. I wonder if I heard wrong… and all this treasure hunting is my own foolishness. Or if God really will do what He says.
It’s especially hard when I walk into the places I’ve put myself out there—and feel like nothing is happening regarding the marriage I hope for. In the midst of this unknown, a trusted counselor proposed that I ask myself what was the last clearest thing God told me to do?
Sometimes a promise or a miracle is preceded by our own participation—like filling wedding wine vessels with water or breaking up a few loaves of bread for five thousand people. I know a mom who prepared herself for a ministry, and two years later it came to pass; a girl who felt like she was supposed to apply for school, and her tuition money came as a gift days beforehand; a friend who God gave a mental picture of an art hobby, and years later she’s self-employed doing that thing.
For myself it’s been my own series of steps. Joining a friend group. Moving to Green Street. Now, starting this blog.
What’s the last clearest thing you know or have heard to do? Do that thing. And then the next thing, and the next.
3. Head where you’re going
When I think of my dream marriage, I envision myself as an emotionally grounded person, who has used her words to make some good in the world outside of marketing, who fosters a space for hospitality, and who isn’t afraid of trying new things.
When I moved to Green Street, it dawned on me that I could start working on those traits now. My life likely wouldn’t transform when a ring is put on my finger.
So I began practicing a list of dinner recipes. I continued therapy, doing the necessary work of healing and maturing. I began to host more and pursue fewer, deeper friendships, making space in my life for the community that really matters. I started looking for daily adventures and leaning into the delight of life wherever it can be found.
Most of all, I realized that while I absolutely love marketing at a ministry… it’s not the vocation I’ll look back on ten years from now as a quintessential calling. So I put myself in graduate school and dreamed up this blog, both ways of asking how can I be a more creative, kind, and meaningful person to those around me?
In other words, I’m heading down the road I hope my husband is already walking on: hospitality, kindness, intentionality, and so much joy.
What road or place does your dream live on? Dream marriage, vocation, any dream really? What can you do to start aligning your life with that dream? It’ll do more good for your heart than you know.
4. Allow space for re-interpretations
Lastly, in all this treasure hunting, doing the last clearest thing, and pursuing the dream now, keep your imagination loose enough to allow for God’s way of making it happen.
For all of last year I thought it was my future husband who was coming soon, like Boaz come from Bethlehem to find Ruth in a field. But then it dawned on me that Ruth journeyed to Boaz’s field. She came to him.
In fact, even as I write this on my unpublished website, it reads “Ana of Green St. – Coming Soon.”
Sometimes it helps to take whatever you’re holding onto—an idea, a hope, an impression—and look at it again with fresh eyes. Write it down. Turn it over. Ask what’s actually within your control to build, instead of only what you’re waiting to receive.
The truth might slip in more easily once the door is slightly wider.
